the hardest decision.

Yesterday I had to act on one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, to return Holden to the beagle rescue I adopted him from last year. It was something I knew had to happen and had been in the back of my mind for the past few weeks. Moving turned Holden’s world upside down and triggered very severe separation/space anxiety for him – it didn’t matter whether I was gone for even just an hour, he barked and paced and generally was miserable. I was in complete denial at first; this had never been an issue in the past. He was fine when I left and I never heard him barking when I got home – were my neighbors just awful? Were the walls in my new apartment really that thin? We tried it all, ranging from Thundershirts to classical music and even the dog version of Prozac, nothing helped and time was very quickly running out before my pet rent would be revoked in my new building. I invested in a wireless camera so I could monitor him while I was gone – this is when it really hit me. Seeing my mellow, easy going dog pace and bark and look so unhappy was heartbreaking and I realized that this just was not what was best for him anymore.

I am confident that Holden has many, many great days ahead of him and that he will find somewhere that he feels safe and is able to not suffer from stress and anxiety. I’m in close contact with his foster mom (the very same home he stayed in before I adopted him) and received a photo of him today lounging in her backyard sunning himself. I have missed that little guy from the second I walked in the door without him and have appreciated all of your kind words & thoughts more than you’ll ever know. I can’t wait to see how happy he is going to make a new family but wish with every ounce of me that he was still part of mine.